Holidays are supposed to bring love and joy and relaxation, at least that’s the image many of us hold in our minds.

The reality can be quite different.

A report from the Mayo Clinic notes: “In an effort to pull off a perfect Hallmark holiday, you might find yourself facing a dizzying array of demands-work, parties, shopping, baking, cleaning, caring for elderly parents or kids on school break, and scores of other chores.”

Suzie Wolfer, a therapist at St. Vincent Hospital in Portland says she can relate to her clients when it comes to stress.

“You see a 15 item to do list and you have 10 minutes to do it and it’s pretty stressful,” she said.

Wolfer teaches clients to plan each day with one goal in mind. What is the most important thing you want to accomplish? She instructs them to focus on that one goal and force the rest of the day to compliment that goal.

“I think the problem is we try to do everything and forget what the most important---True North is,” said Wolfer.

She wants clients to imagine a compass with the northern bearing pointing at the goal they’ve chosen.

That goal can be fixing a fancy dinner or doing the laundry or paying the bills or any number of things or experiences.

“Doesn’t really matter---but as long as you or I know what my number one priority is---it lets everything fall into place,” said Wolfer.

On the chilly streets of downtown Portland it took only moments to find men and women frustrated and stressed out over the holidays.

“I think it’s that everything ends up on the same day” said one woman. “I have a weekend where every holiday function is occurring on Saturday and Sunday of that weekend,” she said.

Another confident looking man turned unsure as he answered, “gifts for the girlfriend.”

And a woman walking with a friend stopped to describe the things that stress her about the holidays.

“Oh, everything,” she said.

“The crowded stores, the money, the fact that everybody’s lost the true meaning of Christmas,” she said.

Fortunately, there is hope for the stressed.

Wolfer recommends getting and keeping a regular schedule.

“Have regular meals, have a regular time to get up,” she said. “Do some exercise take time to connect with someone you really care about every day. If that’s part of your daily routine, stress won’t hold you hostage as much,” said Wolfer.

Finding information about holiday stress is quick and easy and as close as your browser.

A google search reveals more than 4-million hits on the issue.

Links: Read the report

Families and stress

About.com:Stress and depression

MedicineNet: Depression and stress