One of the most-treasured holiday carols of all-time is the 12 Days of Christmas, and every year, virtually everyone republishes the same story about how much those items would cost today. This year, it's about $107,000.
One of my favorite carols is the remake of that song performed by the fictitious McKenzie Brothers of SCTV fame, played by Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas. Those of you who know what I’m talking about are trying to Google the song now. I've saved you the trouble.
I thought I would do my due diligence and find out how much those gifts would cost today. It wasn’t easy and I had to be imaginative to get them all, so please forgive me if I took a little creative license.
A Beer (In a Tree)
How much is one beer? First you have to identify which beer we’re talking about. Bob and Doug are Canadian. Of course, they would drink Molson.
A Canadian company called “The Beer Store,” which delivers beer to your home, says a 473 milliliter (16 ounce) can of Molson is $2.25. For whatever reason, they don’t offer single 355 milliliter (12 ounce) cans – likely because it’s not cost-effective.
We also have to remember to covert from Canadian to U.S. dollars, which would be $2.26.
Now, you need to put it in a tree. Where are you buying it? Is it real or fake? How tall is it? Or, are you cutting it down illegally for free? I don’t want to condone illegal activity, so I’m going with the fake, pre-lighted 7-foot tree my wife and I just bought for $120.
A cotton/silk/cashmere turtleneck on Amazon.com costs between $59 and $89.
Let’s get real. Bob and Doug would never wear silk or cashmere, so let’s go with the Alex Stevens Men’s Ribbed Turtle Neck, also on Amazon, at $24. That’s $48 for a pair.
Three French Toast
Are you making it at home? Are you eating out? Are you topping it with syrup or strawberries and whipped cream? Let’s go basic on this. Bob and Doug are Canadian. They’ll be putting maple syrup on their French toast, of course. Let’s say about $6 for a basic order at a diner.
Four Pounds of Back Bacon
Back bacon is Canadian Bacon. I had to turn back to Amazon to easily find a price online. A 1-pound to 1 ½ pound package costs $26.95. Let’s assume closer to the larger amount. Four pounds would out $79.85.
Five Golden Tuques
The tuque is the same thing as a knit stocking cap, but you probably won’t find many made of gold, so I had to use my imagination.
For argument’s sake, say each cap weighs about five ounces. An ounce of gold was $1,727.59 cents as of Thursday. Five ounces would be $8637.95.
Five golden tuques: $43,189.75
Six Packs of Two-Four
What the heck is a two-four? It’s simply another way to say 24, as in a case of beer.
The aforementioned “Beer Store” says 24 cans of 12 ounces is $39.95. 24 cans of 16 ounces is $48. Since we went with the 16 ounce size earlier, we’ll do it again. Converting to U.S. dollars, that’s $48.27.
But, wait: They said SIX packs of two-four, not just one, so that would make it $289.82
Seven Packs of Smokes
Again, this goes back to the question of what brand of cigarettes do the McKenzies smoke? We did a simple web search for the answer. The website AWL did a survey in June and found that a pack of smokes in Washington state, on average, costs $8.98. Feel free to dispute that number, but just based on that, seven packs would be $62.86.
Eight Comic Books
What are kids spending on comic books these days? You can run the gambit of basic ones to the graphic novels. We’ll go basic.
Going back to the AWL website, which makes adjustments for inflation, we’ll say it’s about $3.99. Eight comic books would be $31.92.
At this point, Bob and Doug apparently are getting tired of coming up with gifts, because they just skip nine through 12.
Total cost in 2013 for the McKenzie Brothers’ Twelve (Eight) Days of Christmas? $43,830.46